Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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