I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
