I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
