Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
