I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
