Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
