I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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