I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sorry my hands just texted you
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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