When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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