he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
