i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize