Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
wanna go halves on a baby?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize