the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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