its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize