Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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