I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
