I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize