Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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