I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
