I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
