Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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