what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
