this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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