So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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