thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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