This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
