I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
