he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
