And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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