I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I need moral support for this bender
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
