OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize