I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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