Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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