the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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