Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize