He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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