Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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