Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
