i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
