dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
