Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
