i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
