well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
