Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
