My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
