If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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