I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
