Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
