Whatcha textin bout Willis?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
