Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
