So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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