Small penises have feelings too.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
