It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
