I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
