You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize