all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
