Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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