marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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