well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
