i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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